


judgement

by writelikeitsgoingoutofstyle (twoandahalfslytherins)



Series: sleep [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Canon Era, Domme Eliza, Multi, Where Laurens lives, just references to it, there's no sin here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 11:48:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5927269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twoandahalfslytherins/pseuds/writelikeitsgoingoutofstyle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soldier or not, there's only so much that Laurens can stand watching Alexander being hurt like this.</p><p>Eliza is too exhausted to explain that sometimes people need to be broken further to allow themselves to be put back together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	judgement

Laurens threw the whip to the side, taking a small amount of pleasure when the fire roared in response. He hadn’t meant to destroy it, but they’re better off without it. His chest is heaving with the exertion of standing, of walking, of existing in this house with none of the reminders of war but all the pain just the same.

Eliza only looks at him calmly, making him feel five inches tall which is hilarious considering that’s about how many he has on her. “Are you done throwing a tantrum now?”

“What? Not going to threaten to take me over your lap? That seems to be how you deal with any other dispute.” It’s a snarl, its laced with disgust- at her, at himself, at this entire place.

He hates her for what she does to Hamilton.

He hates himself for not realizing the path his friend was going down sooner.

Hates himself for watching, for not being able to help.

The woman raises an eyebrow. “Do you need me to take you over my lap? Because I am happy to provide for you just as I do him. But you will not shame me for being what my husband needs me to be.”

“Hasn’t he been through enough?”

He’s leaning heavily against the side table, knows he needs to sit, knows there’s no where to do it and he’s not going to ask her for her help now. He should have thought about it before he stormed over to confront her, he’ll just have to stand the pain now.

“This isn’t about whether or not he’s been through enough. It’s not about what he deserves. It’s about his inability to sleep without it.”

John doesn’t say anything because he’s heard Alex pacing the house at all hours of the night. Because he’s heard the sobs, when Alex thinks everyone is asleep. 

Eliza won’t give him time to think, pushes forward on the topic. “What would you have me do, Laurens? You think he’s bad now? You should have seen him when everyone thought you were dead. He didn’t sleep for weeks, I thought he was…”

She looks away and John swallows.

“I didn’t let you into our house… into our bed… for my own pleasure, Mister Laurens. I did it because sometimes when he’s gasping your name I can almost forget the nights he screamed it until his throat was raw.”

He’d never asked what the terms were, what it was that had eased his travels to stay with them. Why it was that no one asked questions. 

“May God forgive me for my sins, Good Sir. But only he can judge me for what I have done.”

Her hands on him are gentle, even though her manner is brusque, helping him to the bed before going to leave the room. Eliza pauses at the door, sending him one last look and suddenly John realizes that in her quest to get Alex to sleep, she’s been losing her own.

“God forgive us both.” He says finally before falling back onto the bed, and allowing the darkness to claim him.


End file.
